Goblin Etiquette & Rules
There are certain rules to know and follow when dealing with goblins, or their cousins. Follow the rules below, and you may indeed, some day, survive a confrontation with one of the little beasts.
- Outrunning a redcap is impossible. You have to stop, and quote a passage from the Bible. Don’t be fooled; they wear heavy iron boots, and heavy iron spikes, but they run very fast, and will track you forever. Stop, and quote from the Bible, –a quick passage, lest you be killed where you stand.
- An imp is lonely; they’ll be nice to you if you’re nice to them. If an imp asks for food, give them a share, as you would any guest, but don’t let them con you. An imp is bound to his word, but will play on semantics. Any deal with imp, hobgoblin, goblin, etc., should be very specific, and sealed thoroughly.
- Imps are extremely susceptible to good music; they’re easily charmed into doing favors, but as stated above, any deal made, should be made with precise details, and adequate bartering. Don’t try to trick them, imps have been practicing the ancient art of bullshit much longer than any human.
- Male and female gremlins are referred to in different names; just as it is rude to call a woman a man, and a man a woman, it is important to be able to distinguish the two sexes, despite their obvious lack of differentiating features, –both are hideous. Male gremlins are widgets, and female goblins are fifinellas.
- Kobolds are good natured, unless of a subterranean variety. Those in the home will help with chores, and those on ships will assist the sailors, and even advocate good weather. However, if the sailors are rude, they can expect storms, accidents, and injury. If the peasant wife is rude, lazy, or sloppy, the house kobold will make things even worse, generally until she earns a good smack from her husband.
